No Method, Just Madness

Note: This will make little sense if you have not read Part I and Part II.

There, at the summit, sitting on the park bench we found my dear friend, Miss Legs For Miles. A large part of me was beginning to wonder which part of this three year anniversary celebration I was going to actually get to spend with The Brit. But the rest of me was just as excited about getting to see some of my favorite people in the same place as some of my favorite dairy products. Honestly, what more could a girl ask for?

After a champagne toast, Miss Legs For Miles, of course, handed over card number “4.” On the front was a picture of downtown San Francisco, taken from Grand View Park, with a quote: “San Francisco is 49 square miles surrounded by reality.”¹ On the reverse side was yet another note from The Brit…

Dear La Cubana Gringa,
Remember this spot? It was here that we celebrated our first year together…overlooking the very city that is so near and dear to our hearts. In the year that followed, we had many an adventure…with vacations in southern Africa and Cuba. It was particularly meaningful for me to go with you to Cuba as we were able to experience the place where your family is from together. I look forward to many more adventures with you…
Love, The Brit
PS – Your next instruction is to go to the place where we celebrated our second year anniversary.

As I read this aloud, Miss Legs For Miles produced a bottle of Bucanero from her bag and said, “The Brit wanted you to have this and told me to tell you that he wishes he could be here with you right now.” Well, spank me silly and call me Susan², when the hell WAS he going to join in?? And how the hell did he find a bottle of the very brand of Cuban beer that we drank during our trip…a product that is not sold anywhere in the states? Strange. Curious. Provocative. (And, incidentally, delicious…the beer is quite good.)

The three of us made our way back down the stairs and into the limo and we were off to Gary Danko, the restaurant where The Brit and I spent our 2^nd year anniversary. Upon arrival at the restaurant front, we found Rattie who announced that, because Gary Danko does not open in the early afternoon for drinks, we should go around the corner to a local bar for a cocktail while we waited for Vinja to join us. I was beginning to think this whole thing was all a well orchestrated plan to get me so drunk that I’d pass out thus allowing all of my good friends to draw on my face with permanent marker and freeze my underwear. If so, they were getting close…I was one cocktail away from a sharpie mustache. But I wasn’t going to let them get me that easy…I had a beer instead.

We all exchanged witty banter over drinks…most of which consisted of me asking questions of either Rattie, Dochechka or Miss Legs For Miles and getting a coy “I don’t know” in reply. Grrr.

As soon as we were done, we headed back to the limo to find Vinja peering out at us from the sunroof with a glass of champagne and a strawberry. And card number “5.” Once inside the limo, we all huddled around as I opened the envelope to find out what the next step was. Honestly, at this rate, it could have been that I was supposed to summon The Invisible Swordsman³ while hanging upside down from the underside of a helicopter with nothing by nipple tassles on and I wouldn’t have been surprised. (Though I might have demanded some underwear.)

The front of card number five was a photograph of Gary Danko and a quote: “Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what’s for dinner.”⁴ And on the back, yet another note…

Dear La Cubana Gringa,
I do hope you’ve been enjoying the trip down memory lane with all of our friends. We had a wonderful 2^nd year anniversary celebration here at this restaurant. And in the year that followed, even more adventures in Japan, England and Hungary. And to think we’ve only just begun!
Love, The Brit
PS – Your next destination is our local hub for jetting out of the bay area!

A ha! The SF airport! FINALLY, we were going to pick up The Brit!? The limo headed airport-ward while the five of us enjoyed what was left of the strawberries, cheese and champagne. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the cheese hypnosis, but the limo driver managed to drive up to the departures zone at the airport (rather than the arrivals) without me noticing. It wasn’t until we were curbed and we all filed out of the car that I realized what was going on…I was getting on a plane!?! The limo driver came around to the back and pulled my blue suitcase out of the car and everyone ceremoniously said their goodbyes to me. When I asked if I even got to know where I was going, I was told just to go check in and find out!

Within moments, I found myself at the self check-in counter at United. I slipped my ID into the card reader and the screen winked back at me:

Are you La Cubana Gringa traveling to…

To be continued…

1. Quote by Paul Kantner.
2. I’m not entirely sure what this expression means as it’s a saying I developed long ago back when Whitney Houston came out with a song called “My name is not Susan.” I suspect that at the root of all cryptic expressions like this one is poor 80′s choreography.
3. An obscure reference to one of my favorite comedies, The Three Amigos.
4. Quote by Orsen Wells. (And I believe the actual quote recommends that you ask what’s for lunch, but I’m quite fond of dinner as well, so I’ll take either version.)